A Caroling We Go!
by BlueCrescentMoon999
Summary: Christmas Fic! Kalas goes on a caroling rampant and destroys everyone's ears O.o XD I know, it sounds stupid, but R&R Please! Just try it! XD


So…here's a little Christmas ficcy about Kalas being a Christmas caroler. I made up these songs, but do not own the original songs… I do not know who does… If you flame, I'll send a random Gibari chibi over to flaming-paddle-ninja-skill-thwack you XD (A.K.A, Ignore you.)I couldn't post this on Christmas, my Grandma's house doesn't have a compy . , so I posted it today XD R&R please!

Disclaimer: BlueCresentMoon999 does not own Baten Kaitos or any of the original carols here. She does own her own versions. She doesn't own Harry Potter or SuperMan either 'sweatdrop'

* * *

"Blah" Talking

Blah Usually a song title

_Blah_ Usually a flashback XD

* * *

A Caroling We Go! 

Written by BlueCresentMoon99912/22/05

* * *

Lyude happily hummed Jingle Bells (which I do not own btw…) while scurrying about the interior of his home, decorating it with various ornaments, lights, and even mistletoe. Stopping abruptly at his fireplace, he stared at it. Something was…missing. Something was wrong. Something- Aha! Kicking off his boot, Lyude yanked his sock off. Holding the crimson tinted sock up to the fancy mantle of the fireplace, he searched his pocket for a hammer and nail. Surprisingly, he immediately pulled a little squeaky toy hammer and small metal nails out. "How did I get those in my pocket…" Shaking his head, he shrugged the thought away to continue the task at hand: nailing the sock to the fireplace, which he started to do right away. 

But oh noes! As he brought the hammer down toward the nail, he accidentally pounded on his poor little thumb. "OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Lyude clutched his throbbing thumb in aching pain, causing him to wobble over to his newly decorated Christmas tree, knocking it over of course. His foot was caught on the numerous presents under the large plant, and tripping on a ribbon, the red haired teen was sent crashing into the neatly arranged platter of cookies, chocolate chip of course which he baked precariously all by himself, and egg nog.

When he reopened his eyes, he saw to his dismay, all the Christmas goodies he had spent all that time working on were all destroyed. The tree's branches stuck into the wall like pencil tips, the side table on which the cookies were placed, was laying on the floor, the cookies were crumbled, and Lyude's thumb was resting neatly in the glass of egg nog, which was not a glass of egg nog anymore, but a glass of Lyude's thumb.

There was a loud, deafening knock on his door, and groaning as he stood up, Lyude began the trek to the door. Placing his hands behind his back, he thrust them forward, cracking his back. "OH!" He cried, and tripped on a rug that read: "WELCOME INTO OUR HUMBLE HOME! DON'T TRIP! " _How…fitting._ Lyude muttered in his head, and used a nearby wooden coat rack to help himself up.

The knock sounded again, and Lyude, too lazy to continue onto the door, whipped out his sound shock gun (that's what the official guide called it! -.-') and shot a blast cleanly through the door. "Sorry if I hit you!" He called out in advance.

In the doorway with their hand close to the door, stood a familiar blue-haired, cape-wearing, going-all-evil-on-us-without-warning-and-making-the-angry-Authoress-even-more-mad- …Yes. It was ol' Kalas. He was in fitting attire, with the blue jacket that made his look like a plump, pompous blueberry (if not eggplant), blue headband, blue mittens that had a small picture of Snoopy on them, and pink boots. Oh, did I say 'pink'? I meant to, so be quiet FOOL.

"Heya, Lyude!" Kalas chirped cheerfully. He grinned widely. _Too_ widely. This caused him to trip. Scrambling back onto his feet, Kalas fingered his aching jawbone. "Ouchies… Ahem! I'm a ca-a-aroler! And I'm here to carol! I'm getting paid a penny per house by Giacomo, and so far, I've made 5 cents!"

The red haired gun-shooter was confused. "Giacomo? I thought we killed him!"

_FLASHBACK!_

It was in the Celestial Alps, in a small cabin to be precise. Kalas proceeded to cry out the speech he prepared. "Giacomo! You killed Gramps! He was the only one who cared about me! You killed Fee! He was the only one who cared about me! You-"

"Wait a moment!" Giacomo interrupted. "If Gramps was the only one who cared about you, how could Fee be the only one who cared about you?"

Kalas pondered this thought for a minute. "…I'm ignoring you…You burned down my house! My house was the only one who cared about me!"

"How could your house care about you…" Giacomo again cut Kalas off.

"…It gave me a place to live! I even named the house! I named the little guy Rufus! At least RUFUS cared about me! You almost killed me! And, now, I WILL KILL YOU, FOOL!" Kalas threw his swords to the side, and got into his 'tai-kwon-doe-mood.' "Hooooooaaaaoaoaaaaaoaoaoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooo!" He threatened.

Clutching his neck, Giacomo knelt down, and died of dehydration.

_END FLASHBACK!_

Kalas folded his arms. "I'm ignoring you. Now listen to my carol!"

Gasping in terror, Lyude managed to squeak, "…Carol? You?"

When he received a nod, Lyude squeaked again.

"Why do you keep squeaking?" Kalas (stupidly) asked, confused. Waiting for an answer, he fumbled for his book of songs, entitled: "BOOK OF SONGS".

Lyude's hand began to convulse in sheer horror. He had **_HEARD_** Kalas sing… And it was horrible.

_Flash…Back!_

Having a holly, jolly Christmas, a 16-year-old red-head casually opened the door to his humble home at the sound of a knock. Kalas stood there in his set of blue winter apparel.

"Heya, Lyude! I'm here to carol!"

This is Dumb! (sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Dashing through the snow

In the cliffs of Gomeisa

The wind is blowing hard

It's very cold-isa

Trudging very slowly

On the way to Kaffaljidhma

Freezing our butts off

Is not very good-hma

Oh! This is dumb

This is dumb

Freezing off our butts

Why don't' we just stay inside

And eat some hazelnuts

Hey! This is dumb

This is dumb

Freezing off out butts

We could be warm and cozy

But now we are not

_End Flash…Back!_

Lyude cringed at the remembrance of that horrid event that happened so long ago. And he knew he did not want to relive that event, so with a swift movement, he slapped Kalas.

"Ow! What was that for!"

"Don't sing. You're terrible, and I treasure my ears."

The door was slammed in Kalas' face. The protagonist shrugged and skipped onto the next house, the valued 5 cents jingling in his pocket.

* * *

Xelha slid about the Ice Palace from room to room. How did she slide? She was wearing pink socks of course. "It's the most wonderful, funderful, munderful time of the year!" She explained to the invisible Authoress. The Authoress nodded frightfully and continued on typing. She blonde haired girl ran up to a random ornament strung carefully on the tree. She picked it off carefully and hugged it. The yellow decoration let out a content _squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak_… It was an ornament of a rubber duck. Xelha looked around carefully before putting it back on the tree. "Don't worry little ducky! I'll be back for you! I'll be back, I say! I'll…be…back…!" (this freaks me out O.O) She turned on her heal and was about to sneak to her room, when Kalas appeared. _POOF! _Like that, 'kay? 

"Heya, Xelha! I'm a ca-a-a-"

"YOU SAW NOTHING!" The magic wielder screamed and stampeded off. She turned a sharp corner, and thought she was safe. Yes…she was safe…no one would find her, and in a few moments, she'd be back with her duck!

_POOF!_

"AUUUUUUUUUUGH!" She screamed and Kalas appeared again.

"…Heya Xelha! I'm a ca-a-aroler! And I'm here to carol! I'm getting paid a penny per house, and so far, I've made 10 cents!"

Xelha thought about this for a moment. Kalas + Caroling Not Good. Very, very not good. In fact, Kalas + Caroling Horrible, Terrible, wait…not she was talking like Mizuti! NOT GOOD! She screamed bloody murder and cowered in a random corner of her giant ice palace. "G-go away… go away…MAKE HIM GO AWAY!"

_FLASH…back!_

"Here I go!" Kalas retorted, and began to sing…

"Oh no, not again!" Xelha grabbed some earmuffs, and put them on snuggly around her now protected ears.

Pretty Light (sung to the tune of Silent Night)

Pretty light

Shiny light

It's so bright

What a sight

Wow, that light bulb is so white

Just like my old flashlight

It's brightest at midnight

Exploding like dynamite

Xelha began to tremble at the sound of his hideous voice. There was a loud explosion and she blinked. "Erm… Um… …Could you please excuse me?"

_End FLASH…back!_

Kalas plastered a great, wide grin on his face as he began to sing…:

Blargh! The Ancient Aztecs Clack (sung to the tune of Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)

Blargh! The ancient Aztecs clack

When they are being whacked

Their heads will be sacked

By an angry quarterback

A…crazy maniac

Maybe even a Slovak

Blargh! The ancient Aztecs clack

When they are being whacked

When Kalas reopened his eyes, he saw Xelha had slammed the door shut. He blinked once. Twice. Three times. "Oh well!"

The rubber duck insomniac (Xelha XD What? It rhymed… ) hurried back to her ducky. "Ducky! …I missed you!" She squealed and hugged the yellow fowl.

_Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak…_

"YAY! Hello little Squishy! I will name you Squishy and you will be mine!"

* * *

Now, Savyna didn't celebrate Christmas. Presents? Lights? Santa Claus? They were all just another reason to stay inside all through the winter. She also hated the snow. It was the only thing she feared. Why? It melted when she touched it, creating water. Water made from little ice crystals? Now **THAT** was scary. 

At this particular moment in time, she was busy tapping little buttons on her purple GameCube controller. She was playing Super Smash Bros. Melee of course! "Shoot 'em, Samus, shoot 'em! YEAH! YOU ARE NOW KUNG-POW CHICKEN, FOOL!" Looking around nervously, she saw no one nearby, and let out a sigh of relief. It was a good thing no one saw her being an idiot and talking to her TV set like the Authoress always does! Hey! Who typed that? I DO NOT!

"Heya, Savyna!"

The huntress screamed and turned around, ready to fling her controller. Seeing it was Kalas, she now calmed down, but threw the controller anyways. HA-HA! The controller has a CORD, fool!

"…Go away, Kalas… AND YOU SAW NOTHING!"

Kalas thought for a moment. I know, surprising, isn't it? "Hey…That's what Xelha said… And she was doing something suspicious… HEY! …Are you a drug dealer?"

"NO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" Savyna, unfortunately, said this a bit too fast. (And a bit too loud. Maybe if we're lucky, Kalas' eardrums spontaneously combusted! Wouldn't that be great? XD)

_In Kalas' Head…_

A random brain cell squeaked, "Hurry! Process that thought now!"

A different cell slid over to a tiny laptop. "…Too loud…+ …too quickly… …SUSPICIOUS! SEND A MESSAGE TO THE HEAD CELL!"

"Head cell!" The rest of the cells cheered.

_Outside of Kalas' Head…_

"Hmm… Hey… THAT'S… What was it again?" Kalas paused for a moment.

The inside of his ear hissed, "Suspicious, you idiot! Suspicious!"

"…Oh yeah! Hey… THAT'S… SUSPICIOUS!"

Savyna sweatdropped. "… It's all inside your head."

"..Okay! I'm a ca-a-aroler! And I'm here to carol! I'm getting paid a penny per house, and so far, I've made 15 cents!"

"…Oh poopy, this is just like last year…"

_Flash…BACK!_

Kalas began to bounce on his feet excitedly, though oddly enough, his feet never seemed to leave the ground…

What Are the Words? (sung to the tune of Joy to the World)

What are the words?

That rhyme with berry!

Like dairy,

Or hairy,

Or very!

Prairie, cherry, bury

Marry, fairy, scary,

Calamari, capillary

Cautionary, cemetery,

And those are the words!

That rhyme with berry!

_End Flash…BACK!_

Kalas began to dance …creepily and sing loudly: …But Savyna clasped a hand around his mouth and slapped him. Which, if I may add, really hurts when you're wearing claws… -.-'

"OWEEEYOUHURTMEYOUBIGMEANIE!" Kalas sucked on his thumb, even though it wasn't hurt -.-' "Now you have to listen to my song!"

Yel-low Ba-na-na! (sung to the tune of Feliz Navidad)

Yel-low ba-na-na!

Yel-low ba-na-na!

A ba-na-na is a cur-vy yel-low fruit!

Yel-low ba-na-na!

Yel-low ba-na-na!

A ba-na-na is a cur-vy yel-low fruit!

I love to eat yel-low fruit!

I love to eat yel-low fruit!

I love to eat yel-low fruit!

Like a bun-dle of ba-na-nas!

The door slammed again.

_Kalas' Lunch Break…_

The blue-haired caroler skipped through Komo Mai, the music of Komo Mai playing in the background. That music… That incessantly playing, repetitive, music… Kalas screamed and slammed the CD Player he had to the ground. "Glad that's over with…"

He stopped in front of the White Dragon. "Gee! It sure was nice of Xelha to go and lend me the White Dragon!" He grinned widely to himself.

"Hey, mister! Who you grinnin' at?" A little boy looked up at Kalas. What? After all, Kalas is taller then him…

"Heya little kid! …I'm grinning at my friend here, Maurice!"

"Where? I don' see 'em!" The boy frowned, puzzled.

Kalas blinked. "You can't see Maurice?" The child shook his head solemnly. "Well, then, you'd better go find him!"

With a thumbs up, the kid looked a bit too enthusiastic and determined. "You got it mister! I'll find 'ol Maurice if it's the darned last thing I do!" And with that, he dashed off.

Happily content with himself, Kalas sat down on a pile of snow and began to slowly open his lunch bag. "My mommy packed it for me! Wait… I don't have a mommy… I DON'T HAVE A MOMMY? AUGH!" Over it now, he reached into the bag. "What'll I pull out first… the sandwich, or the Nutter Butters…?"

Triumphantly, the first thing that escaped the bag lunch was…the sandwich! Stuffing it into his mouth, it was gone in an instant matter of seconds. The Nutter Butters lay carefully on his lap. Slowly, a flake of snow drifted down. Slowly…slowly… it landed on the Nutter Butters.

Kalas shrieked in fear and leapt back abruptly. Shoving the terrifying food away, he cowered behind a rock. "S-Snow… f-f-f-f-flakes! AUGH!" He just remembered…he was sitting in snow. "…AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!" ( . ')

Scrambling up onto a random flower pot, a huge one to support Kalas XD, out hero continued screaming 'es freakin' buttocks off. Oh, did I say 'freakin'? I meant 'freezing'

He then decided to play 'That-one-game-where-you-hop-from-rock-to-rock-and-hope-not-to-touch-the-ground.' Eventually, he made it all the way over to the White Dragon.

_In Nashira, the Fishing Village…_

Kalas happily scooted through the bustling city on his bright, pink scooter. "When you wish… upon a star…! Makes no difference…who you are…! La-la-la…La…La-la-la…"

Out of seemingly nowhere, fine, out of a random window… flew a huge rock. Kalas was knocked off of his scooter, and laid on the ground helplessly. His eye twitched involuntarily. "Hey…" He sat there for a moment, silently.

"It hurt! It hu-u-u-u-urt! Say it hurt!" A small voice from his ear screamed.

"…Oh! OWCH! THAT HURT! T-T!" Kalas rubbed the top of his head achingly. "Who did that… that… that MEAN THING TO ME?" Angry with burning fury, Kalas went up into flames. HA! No, he didn't. That would mean no snow, and that would be horrible! He instead attempted to heave the rock back, but to no avail. It just fell from the air and landed on his beloved pink scooter. "NO-O-O-O-O!"

"YE-HE-HE-HE-HE-HES!" A voice called out from the distance.

The protagonist, stupid but whatever…, gasped in complete and utter horror. "I…I know that voice… It's…it's…No! It can't be… MEEMAI?"

Inside the house where the rock was thrown, sat Gibari, hunched under the windowsill. He slapped his forehead. "I…am no…Greythorne… He…he dare insult me? HE DARE INSULT ME? I WILL RIP HIM APART…WITH MY BARE…HAND!" Yes, Gibari said 'hand.' Not 'hands.' His poor left hand was in a cast from yesterday's incident.

_Yesterday…_

Gibari screamed bloody murder. Why? Well, he was out merrily fishing, when suddenly, BOOM! This giant fish popped up and ate his hand off.

_End Yesterday…_

"Hey!" Gibari protested. "No darned fish could eat the Super-Ninja Gibari's hand off! I'D FIGHT HIM TO THE DEATH!" The Authoress just lazily dropped a rusty anchor on his head so she could get on with her story.

In blind rage, Gibari leapt out the window, HA! Imagine that one! XD, and accidentally tripped on the ledge of the window. Tumbling out of the house, the fisherman screamed bloody murder, AGAIN. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Like that. He luckily was able to hook his decapitated hand/hook/thinger (like Captain Hook XD) onto the windowsill. "AHA!"

Pointing up, Kalas shouted, "Everyone look! It's SUPERMAN! Heya Superman! I'm a ca-a-aroler! And I'm here to carol! I'm getting paid a penny per house, and so far, I've made …A LOT OF MONEY!"

Gibari growled. "I AM NO SUPERMAN! I AM AN EXTRAORDINARY-MAN! …RAD NINJA SKILLZ…ACTIVATE!"

But before he could do anything, kids piled out of his house. (how the hell did they get in, in the first place? O.o) "SANTA CLAUS!" They all cried.

"Yay! Bigger audience!" Kalas pulled an amp out of his pocket and plugged it into an outlet that appeared out of nowhere. Grabbing a mic from his shoe, O.o, he began to sing:

Burgundy's a Pretty Color (sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer)

You know yellow, and orange, and pink, and purple

Red, and blue, and green and purple

But do you recall?

The most famous color of all?

Burgundy's a pretty color

Everyone I know agrees

It's the color of my sofa

And the color of my fleas

All of the other colors

They are so boring and dull

They don't appeal to me

Maybe I'm just a numskull

But then just maybe

There's a better color

I don't really remember

It is all just a blur

I still think the bestest color

Is still burgundy

Well I'd better leave now

To go check on my chickadee!

But, alas, Gibari was too busy being killed by greedy, little kids to kill Kalas with his bare hand. Slipping a $20 bill from the old man's pocket, Kalas grinned and happily skipped away. "Sa-weeeeeet!" He also did a dandy version of the Irish Jig also as he left.

* * *

Mizuti was celebrating Christmas in her own special way down under the Taint-Clouds. Her mother, father, and Kee all sat huddled around a fire with her. Since the poisonous clouds were gone, she was free to go buy herself and her family a real, live Christmas tree, all special for themselves. It came, shipped from the Garden of Death, Capella, or bitterly known now as the Garden of Perennially-Growing-Christmas-Trees. 

But they had a weird tradition down there… Instead of putting lights on the tree and presents under, they set their trees on fire to burn and left them up on the roofs. 'Keeps us warm and toasty all through the season the be being winter, and to show the Santa where to land,' Mizuti tells us.

Everyone in their household were all sitting there with linked hands, singing that-one-song-I-don't-know-the-words-to-but-has-something-to-do-with-the-lyrics-"LET THERE BE PEACE ON EARTH! AND LET IT BEGIN…WITH ME!"

Someone knocked the front door down. Kee gasped, fearfully. "Look, everyone! It's Harry Potter!" He fainted and slunk down to the ground.

Mizuti blinked. "Who be this 'Harry Potter'? That be Kalas in the doorway!"

"You got it! And I'm a ca-a-aroler! I'm here to carol! I'm getting paid a penny per house, and so far, I've made… something around $20!" Kalas patted his pocket proudly.

"Wait…you be saying you be been singing at 200 houses?" Mizuti commented, shocked.

"No silly! I stole a $20 bill from Gibari."

"Oh… that be making a lot more sense then…"

Kalas clapped his hands eagerly. "And now, I'm here to sing to you, too!"

Eating Apples (sung to the tune of Sleigh Ride)

Just hear those apples a crunching

Muching, crackling too!

Come on it's a lovely time

For eating apples with you!

Inside it's nice and warm

And toasty and OUCH THAT BURNS too

Come on it's a lovely time

For eating apples with you!

Crunchy-crunch, crunchy-crunch, crunchy-crunch,

Let's go

Let's eat those fruit

They currently are stuffed inside my boot

Crunchy-crunch, crunchy-crunch, crunchy-crunch

Oh, they're bland!

They taste like sand…

Looks like they're in need of

Some… flavored sand?

Our apples are nice and rosy

And stuffed up tummies are we

We're… appled up together like two

…Apple eaters…would be!

Let's take the road before us

And eat an apple or two

Come on it's a lovely time

For eating apples with you!

There's an apple tree at the home of Gibari

It'll be the perfect place for out apples to stay

We'll be eating the apples we love to eat without a single stop

At the apple tree while we watch the apples crackle!

Crackle, crackle, crackle!

There's a happy feeling nothing in the world can buy

When they pass around the apples and the apple pie

It'll nearly be like an apple eaten by …you and I

These wonderful apples are the things

We remember all through our lives

Kalas did his grand finale and saw that everyone else laid there dead. "Wh-…Why'd they…all go and die? WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Well, that's everyone! I'd do an update or two, but there's not much time until Christmas is over! T-T I DON'T WANT CHRISTMAS TO BE OVER YET! Oh well… please R&R! 


End file.
